Let me just tell you about my morning

After getting ready and ensuring I am going to be on time for once, I walk outside and think about how it's cold and I only have a short sleeve jacket on. I think 'hey, I work only two minutes away and I already locked the door' so I walk to my car, but I can't even turn my key because the lock is frozen. Using my big flabby muscles I force the key to the right and hear the crunch of the ice in the lock. I then lift the handle, but the door is frozen. I decide to try the other side of the car. Walking around the back of the acura I slip on a patch of ice and I am already so angry I kick a bunch of snow that causes a ton of freezing cold ice to blow back on my body. I sure wish at this time I had worn a coat. I push and shove on the passenger side door, but nothing happens.
A weaker woman may have gone back inside and asked her husband for some help, but I don't like to admit defeat. I used my hip and slammed into the driver's side door and heard some more crunching, lifting on the handle with all my might I feel it come loose so i slam it again with my hip. I'm sure the Gladys Kravitz's of the neighborhood got a kick out of my assualt on my own vehicle this morning.
Fortunately I have Success! I get the door open and put the key in to start warming it up. I grab the scraper and shut the door and begin chizzeling my car out of the ice. Seeing that this in itself is going to be quite a task I realize I was supposed to be to work five minutes ago. I decide I'll get the key out of the car and go and get some water to see if I can soften the ice.
You can guess what happened next. That stupid door was frozen solid! I banged on it with my hip, my fists, my three inch heels and nothing! I worked on it for another five minutes and then decided I had to get Jeff, but I couldn't unlock the house door because the keys were inside the car. So I knock and ring the doorbell and wait. . . . . nothing. I bang on it again and walk under the window 'jeff! JEFF!'
Nothing.
I tell you the profanities that flashed through my mind are not appropriate for this blog!
Finally I go back to the car and just as I slam my heel into the door I hear a scolding voice 'Heidi!'
It's Jeff poking his head out of the door obviously upset I'm kicking in the door of my car. He comes outside and I am very proud to admit that he too could not get this door open. He went around to the other side (slipping on the same patch of ice I did earlier) and unlocked the passenger side door. He got that side open and then shoved on the inside of the Driver's door and 'hallellua' it came open. It was exactly like Doc from back to the future when he opened the door to the Delorean, the door was solid ice. I hurry and hop in the car and give Jeff a quick kiss saying 'My hero'. (Yes I really did say that.)
He's getting into his truck as I flip the wiper blades on and try to leave, but then he starts scraping off my window.
'I'm late for work!' I yell annoyed.
'You can't see!' He yells back.
Well that's a just a risk I am willing to take. So I hunch over the steering wheel to see through the tiny hole that has thawed through the ice on the windshield. Luckily as I said before I only live two minutes away from work.

It was like driving from the inside of an ice cube. Maybe Jeff should let me call someone to repair the garage? You would think, but being a man he doesn't believe in paying someone to do something he could himself. This only results into problems. Hence the bathroom in the basement is STILL NOT DONE.

I'm sorry honey, but the day you married me no matter what happens, everything will always somehow come back to being your fault.

LOVE YOU JEFF!